August 6, 2000
"Recently, Japanese daddy has lost his dignity". There are many newspapers and TV programs say so. What kind of dignity has been lost? It's really interesting question, I would say.
I was watching a TV program a couple of weeks ago as titled as "Let's think about Japanese Daddies". It was really interesting program. The question was prepared and asked to some children in advance, i.e., "When do you feel your daddy is boring?"
One girl says, "My dad always tries to join my conversation with friends and says disgusting meaningless jokes". Another girl says, "My dad has never spoken during dinner but just kept silence". The theme was daddy seems not fit to his family at home or in various activities with his family. In Japan, there used to be so called "Teishu Kanpaku" or "Jishin, Kaminari, Kaji, Oyaji" era existed, that is; daddy is strong and always special in the family. Everyone always has to follow him.
In my case, my dad was special too. He passed away long time ago but until then, he was really hard worker and very quiet at home. Instead, mom was really vocal, even now by the way.... I felt dad's strength and speciality one time when I was going to entrance examination to the university. He has never spoken to me in regards to my study except that time. He was simply speaking to me, "Just do your best, son". I realized that he was just showing his back and saying nothing to me at home but I had to read his mind, "Yoshi, I am working until late at night and you do the same. You will win, my son", something like that.
In Japan, it was mom's role to bring up children not dad's at all for long time except really critical situation. It remains the same basically even now, I think. Because many of daddies are so busy at work and no time to even think about family. There is no choice, therefore, but let mom does take care of children from A to Z to bring them up. Children used to understand how daddies were spending tough and difficult time at work to provide and ensure the family in a good shape. As result, they felt daddies' special dignity even if they have never been told verbally so.
But big difference between now and then is, "Children want daddies' verbal, direct and natural involvement in the family", I believe. In the TV program, children seem not want daddies' involvement at all but reality would be totally opposite. I mean that daddies' involvement should not be happenening over the sudden but should happen naturally and consistently as a matter of course. The secret for the success should be communication. Communication is always important to solve most of the problems and uncomfortable human relationship.
To me, communication is not only based on the honest conversation but on the consideration and respect each other. Honest approach sometimes create just one way conversation so that one person who have just listened to another person would stop talking honestly and put some distance from him/her because of one way satisfaction. Among the family, everybody would like to keep good and honest relationship each other from the beginning and should commnunicate everyday. But when children are still too young to know what the human life, consideration and respect mean, their parents have to bring them up and teach key things consistently.
Another thing I felt strongly at the TV program was wife's cooperation and her behavior. There was another child replying to the previous question, "When mom was scolding dad as he has got a pay less". This is awful scene. Nobody is measured his/her value of life by how much he/she gets money. Same thing we can say for child's value of life. It does not depend on how much points he/she gets at test in Mathematics, English, Science or whatever. Everybody's value of life or dignity of life is not measured by any numbers. All the people should respect each other and love each other specially in the family, I would strongly like to emphasize.
Through consistent and natural communication among the family, I do hope and believe that I will not have to worry about my dignity even 10 or 20 years later. Daimu, my son has just become 30 months now.
Awaiting for your comments.